Love being called a liar pretty much. I can’t ever win. Just so over it. I’m always the bad guy and everything is always my fault….

Sometimes I just hate everything. I Fucking hate everything. My life Fucking sucks and I’m over all the shit. This is such bull shit. I can’t handle the stress from every thing and every one. I’m gonna lose my mind. Nothing is going right. And half the time I feel like I’m losing everything, right through my fingertips. Why the fuck does this shit always happen to me? Ughhhhhh. I just wanna scream at the top of my lungs until I have no more breathe. Some things gotta give soon or I know I’m going to snap. And no one will be able to fix me.

So no positive pregnancy test yet. Probably not pregnant. Hopefully if I’m not I get my period soon. I got my fertility medicine today. So I’m going to start taking it. We will see.

I WILL have a baby. I’m so determined I can feeelllllll it. This will happen within the next few months. I’m getting healthy and doing all the right steps. I’m going to make my dreams come true. ♡

I hate today sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much. I just wanna crawl in a hole…

Today was hard. Watching my second close friend have her baby shower. Granted becca and I are closer but it still was hard. Holding everyone’s babies. I love my little nephew revan to death. He’s such a good boy. The feeling I get when I hold a child. I want that for my self. I want to be some ones momma. I wish I was experiencing kicks and hiccups and morning sickness, swelling, fatigue, I want to feel it all. :( I keep trying to tell myself someday but it’s hard. Someday when it’s the right time. But that’s all I want. Sometimes it’s hard just not to burst out in tears… I just had to get my feelings out…

Why does all the weight always get put solely on my shoulders?

Someday things will be perfect, at least that’s what I keep saying….someday.

I finally get to a good place where I’m comfortable with not having a baby at this very moment and someone has to come along and ruin that. Remind me of the pain I feel deep down in the thoufht of not veing able to carry a child. It kills me on the inside. Makes me feel like shit. Tell me I’m fat so I can’t have children. Why? Why do that to me? I was fine with waiting. Now all I feel is pain. The pain of losint my child and the pain of possibly not being ablebto have another one

Ive never wanted this so badly before… Its like I can feel it… Idk…